I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish you could order shots online.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The Olympian is in my bed
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
