I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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