Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
