Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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