you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
