I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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