Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
