Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize