dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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