who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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