i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize