You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
