My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
