I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
