mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
