I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
