Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
