Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
