I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
