It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
