I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
