I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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