I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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