Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
