i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
