Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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