and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
