I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
