i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
