Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
