I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize