I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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