i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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