I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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