brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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