I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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