I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Actions speak louder than pants.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
