You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
