whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
