Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
