first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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