Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
