I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
