Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
