let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize