you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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