this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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