I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
