fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
