The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
