Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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