I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
