you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
