she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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