Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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