I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
