We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
