you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
