Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
