bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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