if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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