Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
