You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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