i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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