Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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