my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
