Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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