You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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