What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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