I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
