I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
