I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
