hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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