I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
