Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
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